"Who remains when the curtain falls?

Who remains when the curtain goes down?"



Even though it was on Scrubs, something was said along the lines of, "There will be the guy who hurts you and makes the problem resurface, but the only thing that matters is if he is still the guy there at the end of the day"

Totally not the exact quote and I will probably never know the exact quote because I refuse to watch Scrubs.

Alia said it to me the day I was out sick. Or did she? I know I was at my grandparent's house. It has definetely been on my mind lately. Maybe I'm just naive, but I beleive it. If someone has a problem but is still able to be willing to be there, there is something worth keeping.

Disney on Friday. I haven't memorized my lines yet, which will be a pain in the ass to do, but oh well. Took up the extra part after our little diva (the word we kinda just associate with it now...or at least Alex and I) fit happened. Gone til May 6th. w00t for getting to do 2 weeks worth of homework in just 1.


Oh man. It's 12:01, meaning it is 4/20, and I had my iTunes on shuffle, and Smoke Two Joints by Sublime came on. Random irony is great. Just like those dumb little surveys on myspace where you put iTunes on shuffle and answer the questions by going song to song. Best one I ever had (which wasn't even that good) was:
How many kids are you going to have?
Count 'em One, Two, Three by The Maine

Actually, I'm going to do one of those right now.

Opening Credits: Outro-Attack Attack! (kinda lame...ending of an album...all slow)
Waking Up: Hollaback Boy-Cobra Starship (no sense)
First Day At School: Stockholm Syndrome-Muse
Falling In Love: Bro Ashley's Here-Attack Attack! (these aren't any good unless they make sense)
Fight Song: The Fight Song-Marilyn Manson (see? that one is a good one!)
Prom: Karma Police-Radiohead (ohp! looks like a showdown to me!)
Life’s OK: Good Golly Mrs. Molly-Little Richard (my dad is probably laughing to see that I actually put this on my iPod)
Mental Breakdown: Hysteria-Muse (that's a good one too)
Driving: Won't Go Home Without You-Maroon 5 (eh...)
Flashback: Apocalypse Please-Muse (depressing!)
Getting Back Together: No One Knows-Queens of the Stone Age (hahaha. kinda like right now)
Birth of Child: Shake It-Metro Station (oh dear... that's grave)
Wedding: White Wedding-Billy Idol (yay! they should start to make sense!)
Final Battle: Die Romantic-Aiden (1. I can't believe I still have this on my iPod 2. this movie would suck)
Death Scene: Anyway You Want It-Journey (I die at Walmart. BTDUBS I freaking rock this song on Rockband. I hit the "All Night" notes perfectly)
Funeral Song: All I Have To Do Is Dream-Paul Anka (dad is probably calling my grandfather to laugh with him)
End Credits: Let's Get It On-Marvin Gaye (ooph...that's embarrassing...sorry dad. not going to lie...I belt this song like a pro when I'm alone...I like to pretend I've got soul)


How does the world see me?
Mo' Money, Mo' Problems-Notorious BIG ft. P. Diddy and Mase (total 90's song)
Will I have a happy life?
Honey-The Hush Sound (life is pretty sweet?)
What do people really think of me?
Somebody Told Me-The Killers (scandalous)
Do people secretly lust after me?
Adalia-Madina Lake (ahahaha...when she reads this, she'll laugh)
How can I make myself happy?
Weekend Warriors-A Change of Pace (I party...duh...)
What should I do with my life?
OK, Time For Plan B-Enter Shikari (that's not good)
Will I ever have children?
Plug In Baby-Muse (a robotic one)
What is some good advice for me?
Keep On Moving-Starstylers (ahaha...this kinda makes sense)
What do I think my current theme song is?
When the Day Met the Night-Panic at the Disco (this just...ugh...not cool. I just stubbed my toe out of suspicion of it coming up)
What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
When a Jealous Man Finds A Gun-Enter Shikari (this one is great too)
What type of men/women do I like?
The Most Beautiful Girl(In The Room)-Flight of the Conchords (this survey is turning out much better than the last one)
What is my day (tomorrow) going to be like?
A Jagged Gorgeous Winter-The Main Drag (lies!)
Why am I here?
Just Dance-Lady GaGa (I knew I should have not put this on my iPod. I had the idea to do a cover, and it would be a great cover...but...ugh...)
What will people remember me for?
Megalomaniac-Incubus (well that's not good!)
What song will I get stuck in my head tomorrow?
Don't Stop Believing-Journey (oh c'mon! who doesn't get this stuck in their head?)
What will this year be all about?
Fight for Your Right-Beastie Boys (looking that way!)

Might as well give you a little insight to my iTunes:
How many songs total:497
How many hours or days of music:1.2 days

Sort by song title
First Song:Acid Nation-Enter Shikari
Last Song:3's and 7's-Queens of the Stone Age

Sort by time
Shortest Song:Spongebob Grindpants-The Devil Wears Prada (0:55)
Longest Song:Frances the Mute-The Mars Volta (14:36)

Sort by album
First album:Absolution-Muse
Last album:40 Oz. To Freedom-Sublime

Top Five Most Played Songs
1.When the Day Met the Night-Panic at the Disco (103)
2.Mothership-Enter Shikari (86)
3.Labyrinth-Enter Shikari (76)
4.No Swweat-Enter Shikari (70)
5.Jonny Sniper/Intro-Enter Shikari (68)




I need to stop my internet antics!

I make mistakes

I make a lot of mistakes

I'm very aware

Every time you chime in with whatever bullshit you want to add
You just remind me that you were one of those mistakes


These are all mistakes
I don't care what you say
I am a good person
Everyone is
It is when you start to do things on purpose for personal gain that you develop into something bad

If I were honestly a bad person
It wouldn't mean shit to me
I wouldn't be at the point I am now

If I really were a bad person
I wouldn't stand up for people when they are spoken or acted against
I wouldn't try to right the wrongs I make
I wouldn't give a fuck about what I do to myself

Honestly
How can someone say, "You deserve to die" in regards to something like this?

Really
When you are interested in someone, things are put past you
So if she likes me, maybe that is being put past her
You are doing it just the same
It isn't like someone you find to be of interest hasn't made mistakes
It isn't like I saw that a mistake he made was getting on the ALEX high as a kite and smelled like he bathed in bong water

It was a mistake
I have realized that
Just like all people do
We can't all be perfect like you in your family
There is an obvious right and wrong
Of course


Picking the wrong is what is known as a mistake
Not a permanent reminder of your fuck up
It happens for a reason

Just like how we eventually came to peace with our mistake


Seriously
We don't like each other
Fine
Let's stop trying to show her who is better suited to her life and leave it between us

"This is what you get

when you fuck with us!"




I think this is a great cover.
Here is the original (which is better, but you gotta give Panic props for such a good job):


The video is great. Totally fits with the song. I love it. So poetic and true. You get what you do. It happens. I don't believe it, but no matter what it happens. I think the video demonstrates it very well. I still ask myself why he doesn't just go off the road, but oh well. This song has been stuck in my head for the past week.

Missed school today. Sick sick sick. Better now.

I am honestly writing this blog because I need to keep myself interested in being awake. Creative procrastination, really. I have a ton to do tonight, so I might as well do something in between to make sure I stay awake and not jump out my window (that wouldn't do anything. My window is a foot off of the ground).

Speech time. Zoboomafoo, Sesame Street, and Where the Wild Things Are.

"It feels weird to kiss you now"

"Why?"
"'Cause of your beard"
-Katie

Kutner

I'm completely bummed. House doesn't have the answer to this. And there were no signs! Ugh! They better explain this shit later. I don't want to spoil it, but Kutner commits suicide. There were no signs of it or anything. They need to explore this in later episodes. Kal Penn is going to work for the Obama administration, and is quitting acting for the time being. This really sucks. House doesn't have the answer! This is madness! This pokes a flaw in the whole concept of House! This better resolve itself.


Although, on the lighter note, Meat Loaf made a guest appearance. That was nice. He was Eddie in Rocky Horror and Robert Paulson in Fight Club. Hooray.

DV Improv

Oh yeah. Completely forgot. Next year I will be a co-founder of the Desert Vista Improv Group. It is going to be awesome.

It won't necessarily be all improv. We are going to have bimonthly shows of skits and improv, along with public demonstrations and stuff like that.

We will be taking a few freshmen, a few sophomores, and even less juniors. Chris and I will be giving tips and really trying to make a family out of it. It is going to be awesome.

Auditions are being held next year, so if you happen to read this, and are interested, keep your ears open.

"Must be your skin

that I'm sinking in"


I think it is settled for a while. This plan is going to work. It has the elements of slowly allowing more trust to settle in, along with more communicating about actual problems when a fight comes up. I think what I am going to do is make a list of the things needed to be achieved in this relationship to make sure that we aren't being hurt. Each goal can be worked on little by little and one at a time. Eventually it will work out. I'm confident in it. Just have to have faith.

I've been in a huge 90's phase recently. Probably due to the station I always listen to while I drive. It's all stuff that I remember when I was younger. Like, I always had the memory of being afraid of the video for Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground because the guy was in a hole and a spider was crawling next to him. Grunge is really making its way back into my iPod.

Probably going to get my license on Friday. I really hope so.

My uncle is coming out to Phoenix this weekend. I haven't seen him in...let's see...nine years. I came out here in 2000, and been here since, so yes. It will be interesting.

I've pushed reflect away for a while due to a certain argument with my mother, but I think I'm ready to pick it up again.

Disney is fast approaching. With all of these problems arising, it worries me, but I feel that the plan will work.



The sun came up. It has before and there is nothing stopping it from rising tomorrow. I can only expect it and make the best of each day. Stop wallowing and fight. It is the only way I won't drown in this sea of confusion. And as long as the sun brings you to me, I'll keep kicking. It's time to breathe.

Seriously?

When did tee shirts get so damn expensive? I've been looking into getting a Dolphin distressed logo shirt for the next season (since I will actually be able to wear it the day after a win, unlike Freshman year when I wore my jersey once...tear), and all of the shirts are from $27 to $40. I don't get it.

Why is it something that is recreated to look vintage costs more?
Just like the Pittsburgh shirt (which is $28, but am highly considering), it doesn't make sense.

I narrowed it down between two shirts, and either way I'm screwed.


This one is only in youth sizes, so I would have to get a youth large or extra large, and costs $22.
http://teenormous.com/go?id=Football-Fanatics-Reebok-Miami-Dolphins-Youth-Orange-Distressed-Logo-T-shirt-88165


This one is in regular sizes, so I could just get a small, and is definetely my choice out of the two. Whooping price of $30.
http://teenormous.com/go?id=80stees-Miami-Dolphins-t-shirt-by-Junk-Food-41048


I haven't actually talked about that. Football is the only sport I care to follow. Grew up watching it and was raised playing it. I've been a Dolphin fan since I can remember. Don't know why. I think it has something to do with my dad liking them (as no one else in the family did: Grandpa likes the Steelers, Grandma liked the Browns until they split, then started in with the Dolphins, my Mom was a Bears fan, my Stepmom was an Eagles fan, but now I think she supports the Pats, which sucks, and my entire neighborhood were either Steeler or Brown fans). It also might have to do with Dan Marino (along with Joe Montana, Joe Namath, Johnny Unitas, and Marc Bulger) were all from Western PA like me, and Marino happened to be the QB of the team that I felt most supportive of. That is also how I got started on the number 13 thing.

That is probably one thing I kinda miss. None of my friends really care about it, and it's cool, but I feel like a complete idiot coming to school the next day to brag to no one.

Eh. Oh well.
I need a shirt. My jersey is unfortunately not fitting like it should.

"Go tell all your friends

that this is the end"



This song always puts me in a better mood. All of their songs do actually.
Even though there is a lot of mistreatment going on and biased rules being placed, it all just reminds me that I am not the manipulative one. It is about time someone told you that this is the end. All I will say about that.

This band is amazing. I remember sitting in Maine with my dad watching TV when I first saw them. At my house in Maine, we have something around 28 channels. We have 2 TV Guide channels (one of which is louder than the other for some reason), a blank channel, the standard issue NBC, ABC, and PBS, 2 ESPNs, 2 French channels (for the folks from the French speaking part of Canada that doesn't touch mainland Maine), and a local channel. What is cool about the local channels is their emphasis on locality demonstrating what they find interesting. This guy had a segment where he has 10 music videos that fit in a certain category and shows them. My dad was watching it when this techno beat came on, and it was cool an all. But then they start with the guitars and screams and...I laughed at first. It was something completely innovative though. Trancecore.


It's about time to take plan B to be honest.


Problems have risen...but I think that they are gone. I know that more will come, but I just have to accept it. So do you. We can't stop it. We can figure out a way to deal with it and work through it.


Writing a song. Melatonin is pushing me to sleep.

Flight

Had to do this paper for English.



C H A P T E R T W E L V E
A S T A N D I N G O V A T I O N

I finished filing the reports that Mr. Bloomingdale heedlessly bestowed upon me on my way out the door and rushed to the car.
Damn him…always having me stay as he takes every new receptionist out for dinner.
The key almost snapped off in the lock as I twisted it, imagining the stock of it was the only part of Mr. Bloomingdale he thinks with. My eyes drifted to his parking spot while I buckled my seat belt. I still don’t understand the point of an executive parking space. They already get a higher income, an office with a view (as opposed to my empty 3x4 of particle board they call a cubicle), and the managerial privilege of leasing a new car with the company every four years for the employee price. If someone in a lower position gets to work before someone like Mr. Bloomingdale, they should have the right to take that damned space.
It would be like going into the Drive-Thru at McDonald’s, and them allowing you to cut ahead of all the other customers because you agreed to “Super Size” your meal.

The drive home was nothing short of a sad song. I remember driving past a group of young kids playing in the overcast. Like the postal service I guess; persistent enough to deal with whatever is given to them.
The only difference is the kids are probably more dependable than the mail-men.
Parking in the driveway just reminded me of how alone I was. I got out of the car and took a good look around me to find nothing but trees. Stepping into the kitchen through the long hallway, I sat down my briefcase. I called out only to hear an echo of my own voice.
Alone.
Again.
I walked into the dusky parlor, on the verge of tears. The wood paneling on the floor creaked as my heels clicked on them. All around me there were pictures of a family, all in classic black and white.
All happy.
What do I have?
The burning and suffocating feeling came when my tears started. I tossed myself onto the blue velvet fainting couch and sobbed.
There are bookshelves full of photos and diaries and memories right there. Bookshelves full of the feelings and memories they loved.
Where are my memories?
I was overcome by the weight of my eye lids closing the dam that were my flooding eyes. They gently folded as I drifted off to sleep.

Suddenly, the room collapsed in a burst of light. I felt myself rise to find the floorboards warped into a rounded edge, making a stage. The ground was covered in a small layer of snow, and large, towering icebergs littered the stage. A backdrop of coarse deep blue velvet hung heavy; as beautifully painted lanterns were let down to give the indication of stars. I looked out to see what was there, but I saw nothing but a wall of the same material the backdrop consisted of. About to leave, I started to make my way to the wings when a grand noise erupted from the outside of the wall. I attempted to walk towards the noise when the wall split apart, a burning light blinded me. A wave of violins gave their beginning thrust of music as applause erupted from the light. I covered my eyes to see, but the light persisted with its siege. Finally the light dimmed, and I caught a glimpse of my audience. Every person who had their picture in the parlor was attending tonight’s performance. Still in black and white. I saw what appeared to be a young girl sitting in the very front row, clutching an antique porcelain doll, staring in awe at the set. A thrust of stringed instruments broke me from my stare.
They are expecting a performance.
I glanced down at my body to discover it decorated in a ballerina costume, along with an elegant headdress. The music began to play, and I involuntarily began to dance. My body spun and twirled and leaped all over the stage, my muscles not doing a thing. As if I were the doll for an invisible girl, I pranced and plied over the icebergs and left tiny footprints in the snow. The music was soothing and calm, an orchestral accompaniment to my show.
I felt needed.
Like someone actually cared. My heart seemed to swell at the thought of my audience enjoying watching me.
At that moment, the music stopped. My body froze mid leap over the tallest iceberg. There was a large pause, before all the grey figures arose in cheer and clapped and applauded me. Grey roses were thrown onto the stage. Top hats were rocketed into the air in celebration.
Thank you.

"Nothing feels like home

You're a thousand miles away"




I can't maintain anything. Even if I fix it, I screw it up somehow.

Always unintentional.


Just call me Leonard.

"Nothing left

but a memory"



I hope this is the right decision...