Ode Leoni Barbaro

What monster makes a goal
of cultivating loneliness?
Which animal stakes a toll
in harvesting solitude?
Where must I go so that
my bones mean less?
Why must I live within walls
so warped and crude?
Who are those devils that
strike fire and shoot noise?
How am I to be both
desired and destroyed?
I am just the presence
I have always known to be,
and that's just enough
to earn the end of me.

I want to lift your heavy heart with the force of a thousand paper cranes
But I'm preoccupied with all the "fuck you" flowing through my veins
Tried to get back to you, but you've blocked off all lanes
Now my dreams are littered with me throwing you on tracks meant for trains
And blowing up blasted buildings in bomb encrusted planes
And throwing myself down waterfalls in Houdini style chains
But instead of coming back up, we just find my remains
With thoughts of you scattered across the rocks next to my brains
And even with the impact, your image still retains
Inside the corpse your contort connection contains
While what kept me pumping for you spills out and drains
As my eyes roll back to my neck constricted by your reins
I see the victory in your hands that screams and restrains
While you comatose to a toast of bitter champagnes
The only hope of leaving this place is to be conquered by your campaigns

I’ve suddenly changed my intentions
A little too late; surrounded by intestines
These red walls bleed stalls without a shred of convention

Trying hard just to see straight, but I’m up towards the ceiling
And when you come around I pass out to kneeling
Gasping for breath while your words are still reeling

Dot the “I” with a heart; an attack on the tongue
I can end the very sight with the spot on my lung
And proceed to bleed out from this bottle I have drunk

I feel like my heart is shaking in my chest
It’s in this altered state that I feel the best
A convulsing turn out to slump out of this mess

I've got friends

Who carry me on
And say hello
But don't bother telling me where to go

We drive in course and unison too
I'll be driving far away from you

I can shake your words
And I can shake your vibe
But I know that you are there most of the time

I hope that you aren't driving there
Because honestly, about you, I don't care

Tonight the ball drops on the night
And these paper cuts and paper cars
Will remind us that every one can be stars

Care Tonight

You had kind eyes
The ones that held the love and wisdom to teach a boy
Teach him that there is love everywhere
Even when he doesn't feel it
And when he cries
He could always turn to see that someone is there

I like those eyes

You have red eyes
The ones that scream in pain while tears blister
Your voice trembles over the dinner table
As you scratch your way back to bed
Because everything hurts you now

I miss your eyes

You have everything
And I hate myself for not even realizing that someday
You won't be there to smile with me

And that someday could be tomorrow


I'm not ready to stop smiling

Stoplight Roulette

I'll the know the world is ending
When I hear your voice in the radio
Emitting the lies that I once held so dear to my heart
Transmitting the words that deteriorate us

I'll gamble my life
With the barrel of a revolver in my mouth
Before I give it to you again

Drown

There is something romantic about not breathing
Unconscious intimacy dwelling on the dark side of dreams
As close to understanding what little we know as we will get
As truth and shallow worlds and hydrogen and oxygen wave over me

I want to see the blue turn into black
Send my nightmares and hopes to the bottom of the sea
Wash away what writings I tend to leave on the surface
And scrape the etchings of time away from the charred remains of renovation

I want to stop breathing
Stop the warm, consistent flow to know why I was brought here
Not have the burden of the sensation of weight of any sort among me
But just drifting down into the ocean, clear and black in harmony