Insomnia

I can say it all I want
All the sleepless nights
Watching the world turn as I speak softly
"You aren't real
You aren't real
I am enlightened
You aren't real"


What makes you so great?
Words that spew out as fast as your breath
Your newly styled primped haircut
Ego translates to "I" in Latin
And you couldn't fill that spot more perfectly
You are the ego
When in reality, you are the same decaying matter as the rest of us


There is nothing more I want than for you to hit me
Really
Nothing more
I would give my wallet to some jerk on the street
Call 911 just to tell them the emergency is is shoved up their asses
Just to get you to hit me


Deliver me, oh egotistical Ralph Lauren bottom feeder
Let's watch those pretty boy teeth get knocked in
I want to see you drop this act you call the truth and duke it out
Show me what you are actually like
Not this directed bullshit you read in your script of a head


We all know you
Come clean
Get soap

Oh, Watch

One timer
Two timer
Get out

Your imagery is a lie
Your words are just bad teen poetry
Grow up

I-
You know what? Nevermind.
You don't even deserve an angry poem.

Some things you didn't know about me

My favorite color is purple
I write a lot of poems and verses that never ever make it on here
I am a completely different person depending on where I am
My moods jump up and down drastically and spontaneously
I go to sleep with That 70's Show on in the background because it makes me feel like my friends are always around me
I'm one of the most stubborn people I know
I find that playing small segments on the guitar calms me or clears my mind
My favorite animal is either a wolf or a hawk
It is ironic that I like wolves because I also have a fear of dogs
I'm pushing this year for the realization that I will not make it into a college to even start acting, not just to excel
I think that I say some incredibly mean things when I am in a fight
I have three siblings, all are half siblings. I don't count it that way though
I'm pushing. Even right now, I am doing something to benefit me
I don't want kids. I think I would be a terrible father
I am finding it to be more comforting and more helpful when I am in a production
At this very moment, I feel very open about everything. Like I can say anything at this very moment in time and I will be okay

"I don't wanna hear your sad songs

Don't wanna feel your pain"


Writing some more. I promise I will update with better posts when I get a chance and am not about to fall asleep.

Basically, I have school on the weekdays, then rehearsal for The Seven Year Itch. Then weekends are my workdays.

More poetry in the works. Possibly some songs. Dunno.

"I can't help my feelings

I'll go out of my mind"


Okay. Relapse. Really? Let go. Get out of your little self proclaimed bubble and get over it.

Complete

Design the world, young man
As it is your home
Molecular architecture at it's finest
Make the world something to be proud of
Don't let the hate drown you in your dreams
It is only as bad as you make it seem

Set forth, young man
Journey forward
March into April with glory
Let no showers rain on your parade
And spring forward, allow no attack
For only you can hold Fall back

Step out of the door
You're no longer the boy playing on the floor
But a man who will do great things, I'm sure
Make the world your home and not your war
As this day I have been waiting for
Though I am old, tired, and sore

I love you, young man
You, and nothing more

Rapture

I speak the sultry sound of voice
When not given an option,
A chance or choice
I move in motion, malignant to all
Struggle to stammer
Flail and crawl
I speak the solemn language of sin
Because with perpetual life
Humanity doesn't win
I drink the droplets of desire and hate
To further pursue
Inevitable fate
I drown in judgment, all allure
Feelings that fuel my
Wanting for more
I fall in luster and illuminate the sea
My greatest triumph is
The end of me

Grawr.

1. I hope things turn out alright with us. You know that. I can't just walk away. Someday though.
2. I am glad we have become such good friends after the recent activities of our other friend. It means a lot to me.
3. This school year should bring us back. Like, I understand that it was something new, so you were immersed in it, but you did also kinda leave us in the dust. I don't hold it against you or her. I just hope it goes away.
4. We started talking, and it has slowly declined. Maybe I'm just a nag and can't take a hint, or there is legit reason why it is only a few at a time. I don't know. Either way, if or when you get a chance, I would still like to talk over coffee.
5. Lawl. You make me happy and keep me on my toes. Which makes no sense. You are a complete jerk but still a friend? Amazing. I'll only put up with it because it is you.
6. We don't really know each other. Like...we do...but don't. You seem like a really cool girl and I am looking forward to a year of drama and HP songs with you.
7. I wish we could settle down, but at the same time, I know we won't. It is ridiculous to even think we will. It is in our nature to do that. Oh well. I miss you quite terribly.
8. For the record, I'm sorry. You are an amazing friend and always have something to keep me up.


Dad, I can't wait to see you in both October and December. It's been a while.

Mum, thank you for...everything. I could make a list, but it would take too long.



I am not looking forward to this year...but with all of you, I know that I will do it.

"Control yourself

Take only what you need from it"


Stuff has been good. All I can really say.

I feel like things are going to get better. Honestly though, today I was a bit distracted with the current situation. I took a wrong turn to a friend's house that I know the way to without effort. THAT threw me off. But it will be getting better. I know it.

Note: It isn't just gone. Please stop saying it is. It isn't. When the time comes, we will both know. Just give time. Everything will be okay.

School starts Monday. Hooray. Only looking forward to my comfort class. Plus the productions and club that I am starting this year.

Once things actually get going, I can guarantee that most things will become complicated.

My posts are rather bland. Maybe the frustration of school will add some flare into these.

"This is what the world is for

Making electricity"


I haven't blogged in a while. PA was amazing. Average of 76 degrees. Rain. Sentimental talks with my grandfather...it all was what I needed.

These posts have been losing..."Umph" for a lack of a better word. Mainly because I am chilling out on what I decide to say. Not getting hot headed or going to be that blunt for now.

People have been finding their way back into my life all of a sudden. I find it interesting that it happened at a time I needed it most. Just like the way it happened with her.

Murder Mystery Party on Wed. Couldn't be more excited about it. It takes place in Maine of all places. Like we can portray that in Phoenix.

This upcoming year has so many changes and...suvdblufwvf. I can't describe what is going on right now. Connections are breaking but past things are rekindled and groups are forming and splitting. Hooray for evolution of sociability.

I can't get Radiohead and MGMT out of my head lately. Both are becoming daily listens.